I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
