She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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