quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
