so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
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