So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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