Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
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