so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
