White coat. Heels.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
