Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
