she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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