Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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