Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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