Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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