she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
