i think my tv is drunk
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
