he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
