The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
