my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Holy shit dude........stairs
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
