a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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