I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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