When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
