I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
