i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize