Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
do nipples grow back?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
