just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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