hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
