i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize