I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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