My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
