I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
