Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
