it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
