why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
That was before I lit my hair on fire
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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