i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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