We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize