yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
