M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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