it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My penis needs a shock collar
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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