I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
