thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
