Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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