my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
