I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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