The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
