"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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