I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i will never coherently bang her
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
