You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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