I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
