my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
