The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
