i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I love having hate sex.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize