its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You made out with two different species that night
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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