You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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