told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i believe in u and ur pee
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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