she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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