Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
