My hair reeks of homosexuality.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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