I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
