I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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