there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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