I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
