I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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