Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
