I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
