Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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