i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
