im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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